Since we struggled for the first few weeks with a low milk supply I have determined that Abigail spent a lot of that time resisting sleep because her poor little body knew that it needed more food. Now, whether related or not, she does not like to fall asleep on her own. Although my milk is more than plentiful(I think we have more than 35oz in the freezer) and she is getting her fill she still wants to be held and helped to fall asleep. Sometimes it took mommy or daddy's arms AND a pacifier to relax her enough to drift off into slumber, just to awaken mad and not fully rested 20 maybe 30 minutes later. Then all we have is a grumpy baby and tired arms.
Strangely enough, even with all the daytime issues, I could nurse her at bedtime until she fell asleep and then put her in her bassinet. She would wake to eat throughout the night and then go right back down. Stinker.
At two months old she starting sleeping in her own crib at night, but I was still struggling greatly during the day to get her to sleep on her own. Dinners were not getting made by me, the kitchen floor hadn't been swept in Heaven knows how long...... it wasn't good.
Then I decided. I say I decided instead of we decided just because I was the one to say "I'm ready" first, and I am the one who would be most often enforcing the decision during the day when Adam is working. I decided that she was not going to just get it on her own and telling her that it is okay to fall asleep on her own wasn't sinking in. She needed more.
My sister had given me this great book called On Becoming Babywise when I was first pregnant. I read it, dreamt of my baby eating and sleeping by the book(never crying, of course) and promptly put the book away for the next 5 months. After Abigail was born I pulled the book back out(along with three others I was reading) and began reading again. This time because I hadn't slept long enough to have a dream in weeks!
I can't say that I one hundred percent agree with one hundred percent of the book, but I found it to be very easy to read and very encouraging for me as a new mom. It talks mostly about Parent Directed Feeding(PDF). A concept that appealed to me greatly. Basically after the first few weeks(when you should be feeding your baby whenever they appear hungry) you start to use the clock to help create eat/wake/sleep cycles in your baby's day. Teaching their bodies to get full, play, rest and then rise to eat again. Makes sense. Over time you slowly develop a 2 1/2 to 3 1/2 hour pattern. They talk a lot about how order is good for a baby. Knowing what to expect creates confidence and gives the baby a sense of security. I was on board.
In conjunction with the pattern of daytime activities the book encourages baby to fall sleep on their own with out what they refer to as a prop. Props can include mommy, a swing, a car ride etc. This, I thought, would never jive with my little one.
But I was ready.
The first night took 34 minutes.
After our normal bedtime routine of books prayers and kisses I placed her in her crib, told her I loved her, and left the room. Fifteen minutes of fussing(while Adam and I held each other on the couch) and then I went in. Picked her up, loved on her told her she was safe and sleep is good and put her right back down. Fifteen minutes more(this time I called my sister) and I went back in and did the same. Getting run down emotionally from this process during the third fussing I called my mom. A minute or two into our conversation the little lights on the monitor went dark and there was silence. Eight hours later she woke up asking to eat through the most beautiful smiles I have ever seen. The smiles of a well-rested baby.
I won't say it has been easy and there were days that I doubted we were doing the right thing, but seeing her wake up happy after a good nap(even if it took 10 or fifteen minutes to settle herself down to sleep) is the best reassurance we could ask for. She still fusses. Knowing that she is full, clean, dry and tired makes the minutes of fussing bearable. We are learning to read her better and lot let her get over tired before putting her down.
Praise God that she now sleeps during the day! I think she is better for it. FYI, she is still sleeping 8-9 hours at night.
Go Abigail!
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